It is a glorious day. Gorgeous, honeycrisp, back to school, nippy air and bright sun day. Perfect weather for this cosmic time of exquisite expansion. It’s good to have this bright light when we are called to do our deepest shadow work. The Guides are telling me every place within us must be explored. There can be no corner left in the dark. We are called now to lift off of the heavy places where we plunked ourselves down in childhood in a state of petulant disappointment or despair. It is time to feel better.
We were so small then. And ‘bad’ things happened to us. We did not know then that this is how life works, how life teaches us. We did not know that holding onto grudges against whoever was trespassing against us would only serve to keep us bound in limitation and lack. Now we know. And so we track and track these misunderstandings from long ago. We explore ourselves like the intrepid life trekkers that we are. We loosen our grasp from around the toxic baton we have been clutching desperately seeking someone to hand it off to until finally realizing that life is NOT a race. There is nowhere to run to. Nothing to run toward. There is no finish line. There are no winners and losers. It’s just life. Unfolding. There is no one watching us, evaluating our performance, judging, hounding, criticizing. That is all illusion, trumped up by a devolved culture that believes in scaring its citizens into submission, poking, prodding, competing, beating, winning, putting down.
We simply are. Now. We are. And so now, we are with awareness. We are in transition from petulant disappointment to pure potential having become willing to come out of the shadows.
I am sleeping these days with something I call the shadow puppet. She is a funky puppet I use in my shamanic classes to help people discover parts of themselves that they have hidden away. She is magical. When we slip our hand into her and make her mouth open, truth is released from within us and we can finally speak what has always needed to be spoken. This shadow puppet helps us express our feelings that have been put aside or put down for so long.
I have been sleeping with her because I recently uncovered a negative core belief that I have carried in this lifetime: “They do not want me.” This negative core belief has led me to behave in all sorts of self demeaning ways over the course of my lifetime in order to try and get ‘them’ to want me.
I have dishonored myself and my feelings trying to please others. I have disrespected my mind, my heart, my body, my gifts because I wanted ‘them’ to want me. I did not know that I have to want me. Now, thanks to discovering this negative core belief; I have come out of the shadow of this petulant disappointment that has led to caretaking behavior. Caretaking others was my way of trying to manipulate others into wanting me. And it seemed to work. There are always people out there who want to be taken care of. But they do not want me, they want to be taken care of. They do not want me. They want their mother. And it’s too late for that. The mother ship has sailed. It’s an insidious dodge. It leads to very unsatisfying exchanges.
I want me. I want me. I want me. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially, romantically, sexually, musically – happily! I sit with the shadow puppet every night before I sleep and every morning when I wake. I gaze deeply into my/her eyes and tell myself through her how much I want me. Every aspect of me. All of me. Not just the well-behaved parts. Not just the cheerful, helpful, kind and thoughtful parts. I want ALL of me. EVERY aspect. I WANT ME!
It is a glorious day. From this aligned and centered self wanting – I look forward to seeing who The Universe will bring into my life to mirror this self love, self acceptance and self respect to me. I love this work! I love you. I feel like the most fortunate woman in the world. I ask myself today, what do I want, what do I need? What will lead me to health, happiness and joy? What inspires me today? What feels healthy and good for my body? My mind? My spirit. Who feels life enhancing to be around? Where do I feeling like shining my light for my own best health as well as the highest good of all. What do I have to offer myself today in the way of self love, self acceptance and self respect?
I love you. May you have a glorious day. If I can help you in anyway with your shadow work, be in touch. It’s time for us all to feel better!